Thursday, March 17, 2005

Worst biblical character ever

As promised, here are is my list of the most overrated biblical figures to go with my list of the most underrated:

4. Samson. Poor, dumb Samson. He visits prostitutes, apparently not a big deal in the old testament (see also: Judah). He kills thousands and thousands of people. He tells Delilah his secret after being betrayed twice in a row. He commits suicide. This guy's a joke; I don't care how good his luggage is.
3. Peter. Let's review Peter's qualifications: He fails to walk on water, he denies Jesus THREE times, and then half-heartedly cuts off a guy's ear. Exactly what part of this am I not qualified to do?
2. David. A lot of people have been down on David lately so he gets demoted to number 2. But he has got to be one of the worst guys in the Bible. I mean, Jerry Seinfeld just stole someone's bride and look at the grief it caused him. David actually arranges to get Uriah killed, just for Bathsheba. No offense David, but tell me thirty years later that this was a good idea. D&C 132 tells us he fell from his exaltation, but the guy still has a star named after him.
1. Aaron. Okay. He built a freaking golden calf and worshipped it. Just months after walking through a parted Red Sea. I mean, God's got to be playing favorites right? One guy gets killed just for touching the ark, but Aaron builds an idol and nothing happens. Not only does he get a free pass for this, he gets a whole Priesthood named after him? Sure, it's the lesser priesthood, but still. You don't see the Flanderic priesthood, and I've never even worshipped Baal.


Anonymous said...

Your critique is pretty long as you see the bible as literature. Bad characters isn't much of an indictment vs. history though; although perhaps this is one of your wavering belief points?


NFlanders said...

Lyle, I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I think these guys are overrated no matter what way you look at them.
My point is that the standards for behavior seem to be always in flux, but especially so in Bible. People we think of as being righteous actually got away with some crazy stuff.
I left off certain people, like Lot, not only because he's not held in high esteem but also because the Joseph Smith Translation seems to clear him of the worst charges.